


How To Summon a Demon! (In Four Easy Steps)

by peterandhispirate



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Demon Summoning, Humor, M/M, demon tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7798633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peterandhispirate/pseuds/peterandhispirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sleep-deprived Josh tries to summon a demon. Things happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Summon a Demon! (In Four Easy Steps)

**Author's Note:**

> *snaps fingers* ayy,, this is trash and so am i

Josh really wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

It was three in the goddamn morning and he was wide awake with a killer headache and eyes so bloodshot that he looked high. Do you want to know why?

Because his neighbor's dog wouldn't shut the fuck up.

What was the stupid thing even barking at? Are there mailmen at three a.m. now? Did he just hate Josh? Or was he just obsessed with the sound of his own incessant voice?

(Reliable sources say that number three is correct.)

And trust me, Josh had tried _everything_. Headphones, earplugs, putting his pillow over his head- hell, he had even gone to the house next door and complained to the mutt's owner about it. Do you know what he got? 

"If you don't like it, just move."

Ah, yes. He was going to pack up all his things and leave on account of some stupid dog that performed an unbearable concert for the entire neighborhood every night. Because that's sensible, apparently.

(It wasn't. It really wasn't.)

So, at that point, he was out of options. Blocking it out had been to no avail, and his attempt at communicating with his dumbass neighbor crashed and burned. Apart from the fact that he had been offered a leftover piece of cake, which he begrudgingly accepted.

It had been some good fucking cake, but it still didn't make them even, nor did it make up for the hours of sleep he had lost.

So, what do you do when you're backed into a corner like this?

You go to your local library and pick up a book on demon summoning, of course.

Now, Josh had never done this before in his _life_ , and he was 99.9% sure that it wouldn't even work. Besides, wasn't this a little extreme? The dog probably didn't even realize what he was doing wrong. I mean, it's a _dog_.

Yeah, this whole thing was probably a mistake. Which is why he put the book on his nightstand with no real intentions of actually using it.

Up until he was once again laying awake in bed at three in the morning with a soundtrack of barking and howling on repeat.

_Oh, fuck it. It's worth a try._

So he hopped out of bed (a little too eagerly), snatching up the book - _How To Summon a Demon! (In Four Easy Steps)_ \- on his way out and heading downstairs.

Deciding his living room was suitable enough, he pushed back all the furniture to make more room before finally opening the guide.

Well, there were steps all right, but way more than four. And they _definitely_ didn't look easy.

Dammit, he was looking for a quick and simple solution to his problem, not a fucking thirty-page instruction manual made up of ingredients you could probably only find on the black market. 

He ended up substituting about half of the required components for stuff in his kitchen. Close enough. If he happened to get the discount version of a demon, he'd work with it.

It also said to have some sort of offering prepared. He had leftover pizza. Also close enough.

By the time he had gotten everything ready to the best of his abilities, it was four a.m. and he could still hear the fucking barking.

He was so ready to do this.

According to the book, he had to chant some spell and _boom_ , a demon would appear right there in his living room, no questions asked.

He felt kind of stupid holding a book and yelling out random words (most of which he mispronounced) at four in the morning, but he figured the payoff would be worth it.

Which is why he continued to chant for a good five minutes.

It was when he was on the verge of just giving up and going next door to strangle the dog himself that he actually got a response.

And it sure as hell wasn't what he had expected.

What the fuck kind of demon wears a button-up shirt and shorts?

This one, apparently.

Josh was almost disappointed- he had been expecting something cool, with fangs and wings and shit. Something _ugly_. Something that would strike fear into the heart of the very creature that kept him up at night.

Not this hot mess.

The thing looked around his living room with narrowed eyes; the first words that came out of his mouth were,

"Dude, you decided to paint your walls this color? What were you thinking?"

Josh blinked once. Twice. Three times.

And because he really didn't know how to respond to that, he simply held out a slice of sausage and pineapple on a plate and said, "I hope you like pizza."

"Consider your hopes fulfilled." The offering was accepted, and then it got awkwardly quiet for awhile. And by awhile I mean until Josh broke the silence with a very dumb question.

"Soo... You're a demon, then?"

This seemed to be a rather polite ghoul, seeing that he finished swallowing his bite of pizza before replying. "Well, I'm certainly not a vampire or a werewolf or a ghost. So yeah. I guess I'm a demon."

"Oh. I mean, I'm just- I'm a little... surprised?" Josh spluttered out just as the demon polished off the offering and handed him the now-empty plate back. "You don't... You don't _look_ like one. A demon, I mean."

"What are you trying to say?" He was glared at so bitterly that he thought his head would explode. "That you're disappointed I don't look _cool enough_ for you? Huh? Is that it?"

"What? No no no, of _course_ not," Josh assured him quickly with a wild shake of his head. "I'm sorry, man. I guess that was a little insensitive. What's your name, anyway?"

"I'll say," the demon grunted before adding, "It's Tyler."

" _Tyler?_ " This Josh couldn't help but comment on, because what the actual hell? "You're a demon and your name is _Tyler?_ "

"Oh, I'm _sorry_ that Satan was taken," Tyler snapped, folding his arms sourly across his chest. He looked like he was going to say something else sarcastic when he was distracted by the barking. "What the hell is that?"

"'That' is exactly why I summoned you," Josh mumbled crossly, pinching his nose between his thumb and pointer finger. Of all the demons he could've gotten - and there are more than 300, according to his book - he got this one. Unbelievable. "Can you stop it?"

"Stop what?"

_Oh my fucking god_. "The barking, dumbass."

A raised brow. "How do you expect me to do that? And I won't do _anything_ for you if you call me a dumbass. That's just cruel. And I already told you my name, so use it."

Boy, this guy was a piece of work.

"I dunno, you're the demon here Tyler- snap his neck or something," Josh sighed desperately, already wanting to kick himself for thinking this was a good idea. "And I'm sorry, okay? It's just that I've only gotten ten hours of sleep this past week."

"Wait, _snap its neck?_ Whoa, man. I get that you're tired, but that's just low," Tyler remarked with a shake of his head. "It's a dog, not a rabid bear on the loose."

"Yeah, a dog that won't let me get any goddamn sleep," Josh seethed, tugging at his pink hair in exasperation. "So you're saying you won't kill him, then?"

"Of course not. I may be a demon, but I do have a conscience. And morals. Jeez."

"Okay... What about relocating him somewhere? Like, I dunno, Antarctica?"

"You think a dog is going to survive in Antarctica?" Tyler snorted dryly. "Unless you only said that because you _want_ him to freeze to death."

"Listen, man, I have no other choices here," Josh pleaded desperately. "What do you suggest I do?"

"Have you tried calling the police and reporting your neighbor?"

"He gave me cake," came the quietly mumbled reply. "I'd feel bad."

"Well, I'm sorry to say this, but you have literally zero options here," the demon admitted with a little shrug. "Sorry. Looks like you're just going to be exhausted until either the dog dies of natural causes or you soundproof your house. Or, _we'll_ be exhausted, rather."

Josh decided to take a moment to stop feeling sorry for himself in order to address what had just been said. "Wait- what do you mean?"

Tyler grinned, showing off crooked bottom teeth. "Let me guess: you only got a book on _summoning_ demons, not returning them. Right?"

Oh. Well, shit.

Josh watched rather stupidly as Tyler stepped effortlessly out of the ring of salt that he had carefully placed on his living room carpet fifteen minutes earlier. Which had been pointless, apparently, seeing that the asshole had just walked right out of it and towards his kitchen. "Hey, do you have any more of that pizza? It was really good."

Staring after him with his mouth hanging open, Josh realized that in trying to solve his problem, he had multiplied it. Considerably.

Oh well. He had never eaten pizza with a demon before. Or lived with one.

This should be interesting.


End file.
